Where's my placebo effect?!?

I truly hate being ill. It saps my creative energy, and my ability to sleep. I've taken enough of a combination of pills to kill a healthy horse, drank so much tea I've absorbed an English accent, and all to no effect. Not even a placebo effect.
The problem is, I rarely get sick, I'm normally quite healthy (physically, anyhow), so I have no need to stockpile the necessities of cold-sufferers. I will not go buy cans of sodium-laden chicken soup, Mentholatum, a humidifier or anything else used in the treatment of the occasional bug.
I can't afford to not work, so I rick the possibility of spreading it amongst my co-workers, which may have happened already. I definitely can't go to the gym, they see me sneeze or cough on something and I'm out of there. Why can't they just invent an illusion drug that makes you feel fine while your body still fights your illness? Or maybe I could get some hypnotherapy, like Peter did in Office Space.
Going on with day six of this affliction is starting to wear me down. I've slept so little I'm starting to see things. I'm not seeking pity, just empathy. Give me a big 'harumph' if you feel the same way. Thanks for listening, cyber-peoples.