Sister Wives (Not the TV Show)

A friend of ours, more a friend of my significant other, has a certain personality that invites contention wherever she may be. Nothing is safe from her scorn, ridicule, or excoriating sermons. She never seems to tire of having something to complain about, someone to be angry with, or a cause to support, especially if it is controversial. And what is worse than this, is that she often fishes for arguments, dropping little lures of layered meaning into conversation just to snag the unsuspecting. Most of our circle of friends are aware of this habit, and generally avoid it. Sometimes this may not be enough, and she will explode on some topic, usually mundane or of no interest to her, and verbally destroy a conversation. She exhibits what I see as a childish denial of others to have a differing opinion: you either agree with her, or you're wrong. Usually to the tune of something like, "NO, you f*cking idiot."

No matter how much we try to support her causes, it is never quite enough. She has a stable of high-horses that include: circumcision (wrong), public breast-feeding (right), body-image (it's easy to say fat is beautiful when you're less than ninety pounds), and her favorite--the prominence of rape culture. So I have recently been tempted to fall victim to her preying, as I have taken issue with a new term she has been using. Set-up: she has a group of mother friends, some form of support-group or whatever. She occasionally references these women, with some phrase like "from my mommie-activist group." Admittedly long, it is, however, accurate. But her new term of endearment, as can be guessed, is: "sister wives." I understand the implication of such a term, the sisterhood aspect of motherhood, and take no issue with that.

But--and it's a big but--there is a very specific connotation connected to the term "sister wives" that directly contradict her other prominent beliefs. "Sister wives" is the term women living within polygynous relationships use to refer to each other. Polygamy, as it exists in our Utah culture, has a long and storied history of benefiting the male gender, supporting a patriarchal hierarchy that promotes and sustains rape culture, the very thing she despises with so much vehemency. Invoking a term used under such communal knowledge is bound to cause questions, which is exactly what she wants. But her use of this term offends even me, as she seems completely unopposed to trivializing a term that is thick with so much pain and humiliation for women. This is a culture that considers a teenager being raped by a much older, often senior, man to be marriage. Women have no choice in these kinds of polygamous marriages, and have few rights in the household, if any.

I must not be the only person that feels this way, disgusted by her use of terminology that directly contradicts her own beliefs, in what seems an intentional manner. I don't even know what else to say.