Daily Douchebaggery

Once again religion has found a way to creep into another aspect of life and ruin band t-shirts. That's right, t-shirts. Thanks to the over-zealous heart palpitations of parents like Sherry Melby, a symbol of evolution used in a humorous way was seen as a 'religious matter.' Despite the fact that evolution is a scientific theory, not a religion, Melby was quoted showing her endless douchebaggery with the statement: "I don't think evolution should be associated with our school." That is correct. This mother does not want a bit of science to be associated with her child's school. Brad Pollitt, the moronic assistant superintendent at the school compared the image to Christ on the cross. And they wonder why Jesus wept.
They made the children return the shirts, by the way. Every single parent that complained, and the petty-authority (assistant to the) superintendent can all rot in a pit of their own doucheness. Please stop ruining children's minds with your intolerant religious ideals.

Be Afraid, Be VERY Afraid

You would think that political organizations like the RNC would be watching what lies they spread just a little closer, in a time when, as Rasmussen reports, 57% of the country wouldn't mind one bit replacing every single congressman and woman.
But, to outdo themselves once again, have come out swinging with the misinformation bat at the Health Care pinata. They are now 'suggesting' that Dems would use political affiliation to ration out health care, making sure that Repub's would spend hours in waiting rooms and have exorbitant co-pay's and not get necessary treatments. Oh, wait, the current hospital/insurance industry beat them to it.
The disgusting depths that politicians and their organizations will go to to further their agenda--or stop an opposing party's--is pitiful. There is no 'reaching across the aisle,' each is looking out for their own and their own lobbyists/special interests. It seems everyone is in on it, except the people. They are just let around by the nose with the dogmatic speeches of charismatic or fear-mongering pundits/politicians who think for them. Media has made it so much easier to convince people what they are being told was their idea.
We have enough distractions in this country, with TV shows, 24 news, Internet porn, fast food chains, that new Kohl's opening up down the street, that it is difficult to follow the seemingly magical world of politics, full of smoke, mirrors, and empty suits rattling off statistics that you can't understand but worry you anyway. This is why we re-elect 90% of congressmen every election, we just trust them to do the right thing like we guess they did last time.
The propaganda used to keep voters in line seems to be working well enough. Many are fearful of seemingly 'socialist' ideas like making sure everyone has health care, forgetting that Welfare and Unemployment are similar ideas. About 30% of Republicans still don't believe Obama was born in the U.S. Religious rhetoric still makes its way into laws and onto public property. Some are trying to alleviate these problems, while others only try to make them worse. If it continues to get worse, I will be afraid.

Mac Attacked

In early November last year, John McCain delivered a graceful concession speech and seemed to gradually fade out of the spotlight, unlike his camera hungry VP nominee. Between then and now, McCain seems to have returned to the 'Maverick' he once was, no longer spouting GOP talking points and vile accusations gleefully supported by Fox pundits. He returned to the type of politician he used to be, the kind that got him popular in the first place. He is again speaking his own personal set of political beliefs, and showing his respect for the office of President and the Constitution. But what is this beginning to get him? Boos from an audience in his own home state for respecting Obama as president. At another town hall meeting yesterday he got off to a bad start, having to have a woman ejected for yelling over him constantly. Even moderate republicans are having a harder time of it these days, or anyone who doesn't follow lock-step with the majority, fighting against every major thing Obama is trying to accomplish, even if it is simply to contradict him completely, to no real purpose. I have said before, it isn't going to be pretty for the Repub party in the coming years, with people like Palin trying to tear away the crazy-fringe (and sizable) portion of the party. It will be interesting to follow McCain's career in the coming years, and see how true to his original beliefs he stays.

Camaro = Free Pizza!!

Way back in 1983, John Schnatter sold his beautiful 1971 Chevrolet Camaro Z28, to keep his father's tavern afloat, and start his pizza business. Today, it is known as Papa John's, an international pizza company, and my personal favorite chain pizza. He recently found it again, after a long search, aided by the original buyers. As a reward to his customers (the guy who owned it got 250 k), any Camaro owner can receive one large pizza for free. Just for owning one.
I happen to have one. Mine isn't as impressive as the 1971 1/2 Z28, being just a humble customized 1986 Camaro, but I built it myself. I think I'll go and redeem my 3,000 pound coupon, it's the least I deserve.

Like the Rest

Sitting, staring as the microwave rotates a box of pre-made Thai food, I feel fear for a moment. I look down at the spread before me, plastic-wrapped and sealed for my convenience. I realize I am not as strong as I need to be, relying on packaged and hermetically contained food to sustain me. Even I am prepackaged, sealed with a desiccate and irradiated. I can't live like this, eating formed meals out of cardboard boxes and foil-wrapped individual packages. If you are what you eat, we are completely unnatural. Salads and steaks even come in plastic now, nitrogen sealed to stave off nature. The Consumer has eradicated the Hunter-Gatherer and Farmer, killed them off one by one, in a blind genocidal torrent of self-satisfaction, immediate gratification and comfort-of-use. This fear, this inability to satiate myself without modern conveniences, comes from generations before me. I have never planted a seed in the ground with the intention of growing something I can eat. People lived in the same deserts for thousands of years before the Europeans came, where we now live with Interstates, infrastructure and multi-national chains of food distributors. Modern man cannot take care of himself, he relies on a despised minority to produce his food, package it, ship it, stock it, and bag it for him. Your average North American male could not figure out how to grow enough corn to make flour from before he starved to death. I cannot become this. I cannot live like this. Maybe this is why I crave the end of civilization; all the chaff of humanity will be blown away when the world is tossed and only the hardy with survive the fall. The useless of society wouldn't last more than a few weeks without 24-hour grocery stores to cater to their every consumerist whim. I hope I would survive. Create what I need, and rely on nothing but my own ingenuity. I cannot become like the rest. I want to be a survivor, not a customer.

Daily Douchebaggery

Although I nominated her once before, she just keeps opening her mouth, letting the vapidity escape. What's worse, Sarah Palin just wont go away, constantly riling up conservatives with false-patriotism, misinformation, and just plain wrong information. Already this year she has hinted at splitting up the Republican party (not necessarily a bad thing), left her job 18 months early, claimed Obama wants death panels, and shot her mouth off numerous other times, and claims that the media is mean to her. Grow up, you're in politics.
It just seems to me that she can't let her fifteen minutes run out, she has to frantically wave her hands and say something stupid to gain the public's attention for another week. She posts 'statements' on her facebook page obviously written by someone with a much more acute grasp on the English language than her. But beside that, she is actively causing problems in the national political arena, helping set back any small advances we may get towards health care reform.
She may think that she is slyly working her way towards a presidential nomination in a few years (FSM forbid she runs with someone like Hannity), but not everyone is fooled by her quirky 'Hey-I'm-a-political-outsider-and-I-can-solve-problems' demeanor. She is painfully inadequate politically, and a shining example of Conservatist ignorance. People often muse on how backwards Middle-Eastern and African countries are; just imagine how backward we would be if people like her ran our country. Honey, you're time is up, please finish up your cute speech and get off the stage. You were played-off a long time ago.

Saving Beck

With recent spate of advertiser losses, 20 so far, one may wonder about the future of FoxNews's Glenn Beck show. His innocent statements taken out of context, this true American may have his livelihood ripped away from him by liberal advertisers and politicians, since they ARE out to get him. No one like Beck should have to deal with the nervous hand-flapping of these companies that would rather worry about offending their customer base than supporting a real American. These advertisers will regret it, but what to do in the meantime?
I see a solution. There are so many other organizations that could be advertising on this show. I have heard that the KKK is doing very well these days, and their audience should be built right in to this channel's normal viewership. The Christian Coalition, Knights of Columbus, National Alliance and other such groups should pick up some advertising time. Even the NRA could do very well in this time slot. I've also read that guns are becoming a big thing at these town-hall meetings going on all over the country, they should cash in on the popularity.
I n due time, all of Beck's corporate sponsors can easily be replaced with the proper sponsors, fanatical ring-wing organizations and groups intent on spreading their messages of hatred and fear, which should go along quite well with the current programming seen on this channel. Glenn will be fine (minus the crying), and will emerge stronger and with more conviction in his unsupported and illogical ideas than ever before. Keep on keeping on, Beck.

You Know, Our Children Are Learning From You . . .

I've been seeing previews for this new Disney Princess movie, another raping of another old Grimm Brothers' tale, and I'm reminded again why I despise this particular corporation so thoroughly. The original story is quite ridiculous, in which a snotty princess is forced to abide by a promise she made to get her golden ball back. After her disgust toward the frog, he turns into a prince and yay! they get married and live happily ever after.
The moral of the story is that even the most unworthy, ungrateful and spoiled will reap great benefits if they put up with the ugliness of the world. That frog should have slapped her and walked out the door after he turned into a prince. It is only completely befitting of Disney to take such an atrocious story and twist it into a romantic comedy that panders to minorities and is insensitive to the painful black history surrounding New Orleans. And there will be a game too on several platforms and a full product line as well! I feel a little sick.
Disney has such a perverse way of doing business it's sickening to me that so many parents blindly let themselves be party to it. They are using their children against them, teaching kids to want this or want that so they beg and cry and scream until they cave and buy the brat a Happy Meal so they can get the toy they want and the DVD they will watch 76 times in a row and drive you to drink, only after they finally run out of sugar and crash into their cartoon-character adorned beds. And don't forget about Disney's long and storied history of horribleness. They made propaganda films for the government during the Cold War, 'nuff said.
Moving on, although I'm not not finished with you yet, Disney. This is just the foundation for letting our children be raised by Hollywood, barring any form of religious crap parents put them through. For the first decade of their developing lives, the average child will spend up to two and a half years in front of one screen or another. Six hours a day, letting companies and products train children to want. The more they watch, the worse it gets. Consumerism is what is turning America's kids into overweight, greedy, ignorant little brats, and we're letting it happen because it's just easier to park the little rug-rats in front of the TV instead of playing with them. Parenting sure seems to have taken a nosedive the past couple decades. Two generations of children raised on movies, TV and video games that will be running the world in a short time.
Having no children, can I honestly say I would be any better at parenting? I can at least hope so. If I do ever happen to raise a child, I would use my experiences in life to set them on the right path. My children will learn the cold, hard realities of life early on, hopefully gaining an acute sense of cynicism and disillusionment that may protect them from the world, along with a healthy mistrust for authority and an ability to think for themselves. They will expect nothing from the world, but appreciate what they have. If I succeed at this, I will create a commune attracting like-minded individuals, and we will barricade ourselves from, at the very least, the degrading effects of things like Disney franchises and their banal attempts at morality.
If I never see another film by them (Pixar and Buena Vista excluded), it will be far too soon. I still have a childhood's worth of memories to dredge up at any moment, bringing with it the shame and self-humiliation from what I have seen. The least I can do is to try and keep other young minds from being ruined by such tripe. Ramen.

Not Music to Their Ears

The idea of ownership in our country was brought over by the Europeans, and has been the framework for 90% of our legal system. We took the land from the natives who had no concept of property, and created an entire institution, capitalism, around this idea. It evolved into consumerism, wanting more stuff, having what others have, getting something better than the neighbors. And in the Information Age, this want has turned digital. Now you could buy anything, anywhere in the world, instantly, and have it shipped to your home within weeks. But something happened. People began to realize that they didn't have to pay for things, things they wanted, particularly things they weren't willing--or able--to pay for.
Media and information began to be traded freely, swapping tracks, photos and articles over the vast, blossoming network of copper wires that has connected the world together. Napster unified those seeking free music, pictures and videos until it was shut down and turned into a pay service. Many others have come and gone in the years since, and currently torrents are more popular than P2P programs like Kazaa and Limewire. What people, particularly the younger generation, are willing to pay for has changed; and we just don't want to pay for music anymore.
For decades we were raped by the recording industry, convinced we need to pay upwards of $20 for a new album. One with one or two goods songs, and the rest, crap. Sometimes we just wanted that one song, or a few, or to try the album out and see if we like it before we spend the money. So now we download it, burn it, copy it, mp3 it, delete it and forget it. We don't have a stack of cd's worth $200 that we never listen to anymore. We find new bands and discover old favorites online and for free, a majority of the time.
But there are hazards to this. The RIAA, major labels and some big bands don't like it. Especially if you share what you have with others. Your mother was wrong. Do not share anything; use it once, destroy it and get the next thing. If you want to get it again, pay for it again and never borrow. If you do, you could end up being charged $1.92 mil for sharing.
Radio has been a thorn in the side of corporate music's side for years, letting just anyone listen to the music they send them for a nominal fee. Bastards. If I hear that 3oh!3 song one more time, I might just sue them myself.
I'm fairly certain that what this industry is doing to itself is cutting the leg off to spite the foot. They spend millions prosecuting offenders for, often, just a handful of songs. Thus alienated, many fans buy less music than before. In my case, I purchase maybe 2-3 albums a year, which was about 10 or more a decade ago. I just don't want to pay for music anymore. I still am willing to pay to watch bands play live, which is how they actually get money, since royalties are a mere pittance compared to the cash raked in by the labels for their music. I want my money to go to the musicians who deserve it, not the suits who sit around giant tables deciding what's going to be 'hot' this fall. I would rather pay for new amps and better guitars, not yachts and Armani suits.

Death Panels and Demagogues

The debate on the health care issue has gotten pretty nasty as of late, with fights breaking out in town halls, prominent politicians spreading misinformation, and lobbyists trying to force their hands on an already destabilized Congress.
Reforming health care in this country is as important as an issue can be right now, especially for the future of this country. We trail most industrialized nations in many aspects regarding health and health care, including our dismal 29th place in infant mortality.
But never has the opposition been stronger and more uninformed than it is now, regurgitating fears about 'death panels' and rationed health care. The fear is the main problem, people are scared and ignorant of what is really going on with a huge bill that is hard to grasp the complexity of. The government has set up a site to set the facts straight about this bill, but I doubt many check it before they head out to a town meeting filled with anger and false facts supplied to them by conservative mouthpieces like Hannity and Limbaugh.
Former Vice Pres. nominee Sarah Palin (involuntary shudder) decided to add some unneeded fuel to the fire when she shot off her mouth about 'death panels' checking off the elderly and mentally handicapped for death since they had no more use in society, when the bill actually sets up nothing of the sort, and intends to change the current practice. She then backpedaled a few days later, calling for civility in the matter, but she might as well have put the shotgun down after the wolves were already dead.
This type of thing already goes on behind the gleaming glass facades of many insurance companies, who routinely deny coverage, often on necessary or critical things, just to save a few bucks just because they can, and it increases their profits at the expense of the health and lives of their customers.
If all this seems pretty obvious to the rational American, then from whence comes all this misinformation and for what purpose? Don't the Republicans want to stay healthy too? Yes, but their religious integrity always comes first. Groups like the Liberty Counsel are leading the fight against this bill, setting up a list of talking points that sounds like something criticizing Nazi Germany or Communist Russia, not America. But these conservative tools seem to read from it almost verbatim.
Far-Right groups like this seem to have a lot of sway in the fearful, more ignorant parts of our society, leading them about by the nose like a horse to water. But why? What benefit from this could religious groups receive from a lack in proper health care? My working theory is that they want to keep these people poor, sick and generally unhealthy, such miserable states make for better flocks looking for something better. Healthy, happy people don't make for better flocks, as demonstrated by the fact that the healthiest, most peaceful countries are also the most atheistic.
Case in point: one of our one American astronauts declines to participate in scientific experiments while in space, fearful that it will jeopardize his health insurance standing. Meanwhile, English scientist and famous physicist Stephen Hawking declared that the 'socialist' medicine of England actually saved his life, much to the annoyance of the conservative Right, I'm sure. A scientist and proof that public health care works? Must piss Jerry Falwell right the hell off.

Hetero- Homo- Bi- or Omnisexual?

There's one thing I can't quite understand about this country, and that is its obsession with others' sexual identities. Every time a celebrity comes out of the closet, interest skyrockets momentarily, but is nowhere the constant buzz that occurs around those suspected of being gay. Sometimes, it's no surprise at all, or can amount to a cry for attention during a waning career. Whatever the reason it always seems to be a key issue.
Recently, a flurry of allegations and references to past statements about Lady Gaga erupted after film of her a concert showed evidence that she may be a hermaphrodite. Such a physical condition, if true, is no excuse for the deplorable things she puts out that some call music. She's been a terrible song writer for years, but having a penis shouldn't make her exempt from such activities. And further to the point, so what?
I'm getting tired of people being judged so openly on who like to hit the sack with, as long as it is a mutually consenting adult. Conservative Christians are most likely to get their panties in bunches on the subject, especially when it comes to homosexuals. Ironically, they often get caught having rendezvous in public bathrooms or caught cheating on their spouses while advocating family values and traditional marriage. Hypocrites, or just human?
I just don't quite get why people care so much in this country, while in European countries, where sexuality has not been as much of big deal for decades, centuries, if you include their views on art, homosexuals are more of an accepted part of society and can even marry in several countries. Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts on this feel free to comment.

Like I needed another reason to hate Fox

When I nominated Nadya Suleman (the 'Octomom') for douchebaggery about four months ago, I was hoping that the horrible person she seems to truly be would preclude any major networks wanting anything to do with her, since they have so much integrity. I almost wrote that with a straight face. It turns out, Fox has ordered a 'documentary' on this icon of excess and neurosis, a two hour view into the life of this headcase mother of 14 children, (including never-before-seen footage!) which was even admitted to be a 'train-wreck' by Mike Darnell, Fox's president of alternative. Nice title, bro.
Normally, such a steaming pile of digital puke wouldn't bother me anymore than anything else I hear about or had the misfortune to actually see on television. I mean, I have weathered eight seasons of American Idol, Fear Factor, World's Most Eye-poppingly Horrific Car Crashes, and I actually watched Celebrity Boxing, but this is just going too far. Fox is trotting out nothing actually unique here, she is just a sideshow, a freak that they hope to make a few bills on. And dumbass, vicariously-living Americans will watch it. If I hear that Ashton Kutcher appears during the show to 'punk' her, I swear to whatever god is listening that I will murder something.

Clinton Screws America AGAIN

The ex-President has sunk to a new low this week, as he traveled to North Korea in a successful effort to secure the release of two American reporters. How did he pull off this act of unpardonable anti-Americanism? By using good old-fashioned diplomacy, just Kim Jong-Il wanted. In a single act that at once compromised national security and showed America not as the macho, middle-finger-raised, defiant bully we should be, but as the pansy, limp-wristed, hand-wringing sap the Liberals want us to be, Clinton got the two women pardoned by the dictator.
By catering to the whims of this megalomaniacal leader, we have set our country back a decade in our ass-kicking stance to the rest of the world, proving that this country can be brought to its knees when two truth-seeking, freedom-enjoying women are arrested without reasonable cause and plead for release. It's a shame, really, what these weak-kneed, bleeding-heart Liberals will allow to go on in this world. There was even talk of Al Gore being sent over to ask for the release of the Americans. Would he have tried to convince Jong-Il of 'global warming' in the same meeting? I shudder at the thought.
It seems that the Dem's have forgotten one simple thing; we DO NOT negotiate with terrorists! The ruined lives of these two women would have been a small price to pay for the continued security of our nation. When will these Liberals get a clue that the only way we can deal with these pushy evil-doers is to use as much force as possible and never give a valid reason to the American people for what is done? They really do not seem to understand Democracy.
Thankfully, Hannity and other patriotic, country-loving great Americans have shown us the way, and explain things as easily as possible for the Libs. Once we can push these reasonable, non-reactionary Dem's back out of power, we'll be free to rush in and drop some bombs on the Koreans and enter another beautiful, drawn-out war with no definite goal. Ah, now that's refreshing.

Cat Mind Control

"You're getting verrrry sleepy. . ."

Few animals are able to effect humans, not counting the squirmy, slithery multi-legged horrors that live under your porch, as much as our pets do; who occasionally live under our porches. Dogs may be 'man's best friend,' but cats seem to have some allure and power over us that we cannot understand. They are notoriously independent, lazy, food-grifting and sneaky animals, but have somehow won a place in our hearts. Despite the lengthy disappearances, endless supply of hair and dander, randomly placed vomit and dead animals on our porches, we still love them anyway. Science may have finally cracked this conundrum, in a study that identified one of their purrs as a 'solicitation purr.' They use this special purr to get what they want from us naive humans that are duped into caring for them.
Now couple this with the fact that cat's brains can repair themselves and your about one evolution away from crafty cat overlords. Luckily, they are too easily distracted by points of light, balls of yarn and small, quickly moving objects. Still, every morning, I walk up the stairs and rouse the cat outside, who begins his incessant pleading, which invariably leads me to the bag of cat food stashed under the counter. I always feel like such a tool later, and resolve to ignore his cries. Yet, the next time it begins, I wander back into the kitchen and fill his bowl like some kind of zombie that only feeds other animals. Little bastard. At least he doesn't leave presents on the porch for me, in the form of mutilated animals. It always seems like more of a warning than a gift. 'Slip up, and you're next.'

Actually, Obama was never born, he's a robot

Reality does not seem to be a part of 'birther' universe; where, despite a lack for concern by most Americans, including the Judicial branch of the government, a loud minority ignores actual proof and embraces forgeries. Is it a coincidence that most of these 'birthers' are far-right conservatives adamantly opposed to anything that passes Obama's lips? I don't believe it's likely. They despise our president so much that someone went to the effort to create a forged birth certificate proving he was a Kenyan citizen by birth. It didn't matter that the certificate was quickly decried as a fake, and was actually grafted from an Australian man's birth certificate, it was some kind of proof that supported their position (this reminds me of a certain mode of thinking I linked before).
This kind of thinking and lack of respect for not only the president, but those who already verified his nationality, the mounds of evidence contrary to their opinion, and rationality, really begins to disturb me. I'm hoping for a good dose of sanity to enter our collective conscience in the coming year, before this country starts tearing apart at the seams due to small, radical factions given way too much airtime on places like FOXNews.
The sad thing is, no one will ever be able to please these people, and this will go down for decades as another conspiracy wrought by the government for some agenda or another. It will take another four or five decades to have enough evidence mount to explain it, like the moon landing and the Kennedy assassination. All we can do for now is to try and ignore these small, screaming voices at the back of the crowd and wait for them to wander off muttering and return to their basements to print more manifestos. In the meantime, have some fun and create your own fake Kenyan birth certificate!

Daily Douchebaggery

*I almost feel obligated to nominate myself here, but I wont because I'm awesome. However, I apologize to those who care for the lack of posts over the past three weeks, I had a series of trips that interfered with my posting, but not with my news-gleaning. Also, I have noticed a severe lack of douchebaggery candidates on my blog, despite the plethora of them out there in the world. I will be sure to update with a couple posts this week, some possibly containing mentions of my various adventures.*
Few things infuriate me more than people who try and blame another person for their own faults, or an similar use of projection or displacement of impulses to make oneself feel better. I am guilty of this at times, like most people; I get angry while driving and become more aggressive, but also use various expletives to describe people that do similar things on the freeway.
But, some people take it to the extreme, like this young douchebag and his lawyer, who are suing for damages a person that was injured in another car. Not only was the other car struck by the driver of the car he was in after losing control and crossing the median, the driver was speeding, racing and driving carelessly on a 30 mph road. The driver was being a douche himself, but to be a passenger and to have audacity to sue a drive who failed to avoid the car jumping the median traveling 50 mph more than they were takes some real balls. Douchey balls.
Not only do I hope that his case is dismissed, and he is laughed out of court, but the lawyer should be penalized (probably too much to hope for a disbarment) for even considering to sue for something like this. Maybe this little dumbass should pick better friends who wont race around at night on low-speed roads. Douchebag.