Lyrics Schmerics

I have a bizarre and morbid fascination with bad lyrics, which may be why I catch myself listening to Pokerface, or the occasional country song when I happen to be in the wrong car at the wrong time. There are several reasons why I may not like a particular band or style of music, whether it's because I find it boring, generic, tedious, too 'pop music', or the band has such a low sense of musical integrity *cough* 3 Doors Down *cough* that I just can't listen to them. But every once in a while, I hear something that I have to stop and think about for a minute, and I become obsessed with how utterly and magnificently terrible it is.

Some classic gems amidst the bag o' jewels that was 70-80's hair metal scene are lines like:
"I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet" Def Leppard - Pour Some Sugar On Me and
"Only time will tell, if we stand the test of time" Van Halen - Why Can't This Be Love

In that same vein of horrid, and more recently in the music scene, I have found a new goldmine of sentences gone awry; Canadia's own Nickelback. They have two kinds of songs; sad/sappy songs and dirty/sexy/stripper songs. I actually heard a local DJ refer to Nickelback as 'stripper music,' a humorous and more-than-apt term, in my opinion. Some of their worst include Animals a,d Something in Your Mouth, but their newest entry in lyrical torture, Shakin' Hands. the chorus goes something like this:
"Well she ain't no Cinderalla when she gettin' undressed
'cause she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west"

When I first heard this, I was hoping it was a joke, because I didn't think anyone would take music like this seriously. Is it worse that Chad Kroeger looks like Jesus? I think so. The Antichrist of good music. If you happen to come upon this song on the radio, do yourself a favor and turn it off. You should thank me.

Norwegian Lightshow

This is odd. Just plain odd. Either aliens, governments, or the Earth is totally fucking with us. Russia is also being accused, after a possible failed missile test that apparently was testing the use of bright neon lights on their armaments. The old, plain missiles are sooo boring. Norway is known for such strange phenomena as the Northern Lights and black metal, but this is something more bizarre. Although it looks completely fake, why would someone go about faking something like this, unless it was to unnerve people about the recent atom-smashing done at the LHC. It almost looks like some kind of cheap, projected, 70's b-movie effect. My guess is refracted light from gas created by aliens emptying out their holding tanks after a long vacation in Mexico.

(Government) News Corporation

I've talked before about how terrible our newspaper industry is doing, in the face of the immediate availability of information on the Internet and the convenience of 24/7 cable news channels. You had to know that someone in the government would find a way to step in and help out. Reuters reports that the idea of a bailout of sorts is cooking within the creaky, dirty walls of the Congress.
The last thing the government should step in and help out is the media. Mass media has already skewed the idea of freedom of speech. However, Henry Waxman, a Dem Chairman on the House Energy and Commerce Committee thinks differently. Complaining of a failing business model, he warns that, "Eventually government is going to have to be responsible to help and resolve these issues." Despite how terrible the media is right now, letting the government step in and take the reins is a terrible, aside from concerns over censorship. With a bailout comes restrictions, like in the case of the government bailout of the auto industry; salary caps, concessions, streamlining, trimming the corporate fat, basically. Restrictions on how they functioned and what they could and couldn't do also applied. An auto company that should have been left to implode is one thing, a struggling but evolving thing such as media is another. I don't fear so much what would happen to the massive, lumbering conglomerates that haven't been able to keep up with the changing nature of media, but how the smaller, moderate news outlets and such would be affected. Once politics collides head on with free speech and the free press, there's no telling what could happen, particularly when there are large sums of money involved. Case in point, FOX News has pretty much become the speaking arm of the Republican party, as 'fair and balanced' as they would like to appear. Thomas Paine must be spinning in his grave.