LDS WTF

As someone who grew up religiously, I learned all the cute, kitschy little catch phrases and mnemonic devices that helped you remember certain things about your faith, and being Mormon, we have our fair share. Latter Day Saints is LDS. Choose The Right, CTR. YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO . Trials and Tribulations. The Word of Wisdom. Hold to the Rod. Articles of Faith. Bear your Testimony. Families are Forever. Called to Serve. Milk before meat. Isn't it about . . . time? They go on and on.
I have come to see my former faith, Mormonism, turned into easily repeatable bumper-sticker quotes. I saw one car just the other day with at least three. One CTR sticker, one R U LDS ? sticker, and those goddamn omnipresent stick figure people, used by Mormon soccer-moms to proclaim their penchant and proclivity for procreation, which is apparently their only other purpose after gossiping about other church members behind their backs and taking anti-depressants by the handful. I saw one minivan with eleven people on the back window. That means nine kids. NINE. From one woman. Why would anyone put themselves through that? If you asked Mrs. Duggar, she would probably give you some bullshit answer about them being gifts from God, when in reality, she just can't seem to keep her legs closed. But I digress.
You know that your religion has become mainstreamed when you have stores dedicated to selling accessories and other crap specifically for your religion. I always thought that CTR rings had a purpose, to be an ever present reminder for you to 'choose the right.' It's more of a useless symbol to me now, just a sign to inform potential suitors that you still think you're twelve and believe a ring will keep you from doing something you aren't supposed to. Purity rings? Wedding rings? Never mind.
All the religious paraphernalia I see just comes off as an attempt at trying to disguise a love of material things behind the mask of faith. Certain clothes are required for a person to enter the Mormon temples, and to be seen as true, faithful members. You have to buy stuff to prove your faithfulness. Sounds more like brand loyalty than faith to me. "Yes, I have my quad and my brand-new leather carrying case, with my gold-embossed name on both of them. I just bought this new church-bag for my mom with Relief Society Mom embroidered on it, and a Christus replica for dad. Isn't that so fetchin' awesome?"
There is an entire bookstore chain dedicated to selling literature to Mormons, covering all genres, including fiction, ironically. Living in Utah Valley as I do, I get to see a local culture that is so saturated with religion that it cannot separate itself from consumerism. Most business is geared toward serving those individuals who love to proclaim their religious status while proclaiming their financial one as well. "Yes, I have Lexus and I drive like a sleepy, drunk, angry twelve-year-old, but I'm LDS and God has blessed me so it's okay." So NOT okay. There is a very bold and obvious contradiction here, where members of a religion that seems to motivate frugality and humility breeds a society of zealous, prideful, want-driven hypocrites who desire to make every effort the show that they are better than--whoever. Add young marriage and rabbit-like breeding to the equation and it's no surprise that Utah consistently leads the nation in bankruptcy filings.
Think about it. Utah is about 50% Mormon, give or take. Mormons are required to give 10% of their gross income to their church to remain in good standing. Then there is the American desire to display your social rank with 'things.' New cars, big house with a maintained lawn, and any combination of 4-wheelers, dirt-bikes, jet-skies and snowmobiles. Then, fill that hole in your soul with more, religious goods, like multiple pictures of a very white Jesus, prophets living and dead, and temples you've seen either never or dozens of times; religious jewelry, books, crafts, and oh-my-god Christmas decorations. That's one for another post.
What it all comes down to in my angry little mind is that Mormons don't really feel fulfilled by their religion, they need stuff to fill that hole, be it religious or otherwise. What would Jesus do? Buy more! I can walk through my neighborhood and count SUV's that cost more than 30K and run out of fingers before I circle the block, and this is a very religious neighborhood. I'm no different, when it comes to wanting. I'd like a nice big house and a new car and all the toys, but I know I can't afford them. And I don't try and hide me desires behind my bumper-sticker religion, they're my selfish desires to have things. But I don't really feel it necessary to try and keep up with the Johnson's. I have my shitty apartment, my cars, paid off, and my motorcycle, not paid off, and that's enough for me right now. God wont provide more for me if I start believing in him again, just the banks and the credit card companies with their cash advances and Annual Percentage Rates. Thanks, but no thanks.
Well, maybe just a few small things. Could I possibly get a set of those blood-red undergarments and a Jupiter talisman so I can be more like Joseph Smith? A couple young wives would be nice too.