Daily Douchebaggery

Today's candidate is a local one, from our own great, sober, inclusive and white Brigham Young University. During a post-game interview, BYU quarterback Max Hall began a rant about the opposing team, proving that sports builds character, just not the right kind, apparently. During the course of his rant he said,
"I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything. It felt really good to send those guys home."
Later, he mentions he doesn't respect them and they deserved to lose, calling the school and its fans classless, showing just how much class and sportsmanship he has. The following day he apologized, sounding far too scripted, and was then reprimanded by the MWC, despite his coach sticking up for him and subtly supporting his hate-filled comments.
Normally, I could care less about sports, particularly football, which seems to earn me male-pariah status in some circles, where sports and football are life. Provo has always had a holier-than-thou attitude about BYU and sports programs, and Ute fans are almost as annoying. The insults and child-like behavior run from both sides, and this 'great rivalry' has been deemed a 'holy war' by some douchebag who doesn't fully understand the connotations and history surrounding that phrase. 'Holy war' killed untold numbers of gentiles, pagans, Muslims and many others over the centuries, and brought terrorism and death to our own soil. Football is just a game, you people need to cool your shit, and take a step back from what you're investing so much into, and realize this. Effigies are soon to come if this continues, and real death soon after. Oh, and Max, you're kind of a douchebag; and dude, you look like an alien.

Sword Play

A few months ago, I posted about a couple of incidents where sword-wielding persons either inflicted harm on each other or robbed businesses with the unconventional weapon. The use of the sword seems to be becoming more widespread. A recent incident ended in the death of a man who broke into a college student's garage in Baltimore; another student in Texas attacked his roommates after finding a soda can in his room.
A quick Google search will bring up a dozen more stories from the past few years of this happening, with varied outcomes. Have guns and regular knives become passe? Or is this just a sign of the economic hardships plaguing our country's good citizens? Or are we just becoming just a little more psychotic every year? I'm definitely not crazy, but I have several friends that own samurai swords, katanas or other various menacing-looking weapons. As for me, I'll just stick to my baseball bats, knifes and asps, thank you very much.
I wonder what the Samurai would think of this. I really hope that crazy isn't contagious.

Nerd Battle Update

This is not an update on this particular story, but on the use of swords in a violent way. I had hoped that this was just a freak occurrence and not a sign of things to come, but it may be just that. It seems that a Massachusetts man tried to rob a dry cleaners with a ninja sword and a ski mask (very unassuming, you jackass). My guess, guns and bullets are becoming too expensive in a recession combined with possible tightening of gun control laws so people are reverting to more primitive weaponry in order to commit their random crimes and acts of violence. Although it may seem cool to some people to walk around with a sword on your hip, arms akimbo like the swarthy, swaggering pirate you wish you were, suspicions are going to blossom the moment you step out the door, especially if everyone already thinks you're that 'weird guy with the minivan that hangs out at Denny's/IHOP/Waffle House too much.'
I really hope that more of these stories don't continue to surface on Digg lists or Drudge. It pains me to see such an emblem of skill and cultural significance used in acts of such amazing stupidity. If they start instituting waiting periods at your local knife retailer, you'll know something is happening, and it probably isn't skillful or culturally significant.

Never Interrupt a Nerd Battle

I read this and I just had to do a post on it, since there are so many levels of bizarre to it. Living in Provo, there was always a chance to witness sword-fighting on a weekly basis when it is warm, at a particular park on Thursdays. Geeks of all color and flag would assemble, in arms and often in full battle-regalia, for their weekly Battleguard extravaganza. I assumed this lifestyle (for lack of a better word) was shared around the country, and it appears I may be correct. Normally, the weapons are fake and designed to minimize any possible injury, but experience and common sense leads me to believe that many of the kind of people who participate in things such as this more often than not own particularly realistic weapons, some even make them. This is why I first jumped to the conclusion of 'nerd-fight' when I read this story. Even if that wasn't the case, I beg the question: why did these two men have swords at the ready before an altercation? It's 2009, not 1309. Last time I checked, whenever someone gets hurt with a sword these days, it is usually from an accident, improper handling, or a psychopath. Since there is little information in this story, I assume it is open to wild speculation.

Having been called a dotard-ly coward, Adolf drew his magnificent broadsword. Undaunted, the young Rondeau pulled his saber in a quick flash of steel, glinting in the midday sun. "Prepare for battle, old man," he exclaimed, as the worrisome Franziska stood nearby, looking on. The two men advanced with grim determination written upon their countenances, knowing fully that one or none of them would escape this battle victoriously.

As reality has little to do with what goes on in my head, I must point out that I do not intend to make light of an incident that ended with the death of two individuals, but seriously, who has sword fights? The world is a strange, strange place, and the truth is still often stranger than fiction.