Teabagged!

I was musing over the recent 'tea-party' movement going on, and I realized something felt wrong about it. So I did some digging, and a lot of intense, laborious research. I ended up meeting an informant in a parking garage, who requested I call him 'deep throat,' even though I already knew his name. It was a little weird, but I acquiesced just to smooth things out. He gave me a manila folder full of information, and a few names of insiders I could contact. Several hours and two death-threats later, this is what I was able to understand.

The entire tea-party movement was actually a well-orchestrated and secretly executed effort by the tea industry to counteract slumping sales in the current recession. As jobs are lost and disposable income decreases or disappears in hard times, high-end products, like Maserati's, caviar and tea, suffer. So the shrouded hands behind the latter pained industry began to move, knowing full well that April 15th loomed in America's collective future, and we have a notorious displeasure for paying taxes. With Obama's tax restructuring in our minds, the stage was set for a hot-beverage coup the likes of which have not been seen since the coffee revolt of 1918. All they needed to do was plant the idea. All it took was a mass e-mail to a group of conservative pundits, known as the 'Illogicatti,' bringing up the subject of a certain Boston Harbor incident, and the seeds were sown. The new 'tea-party' movement spread like wildfire among impressionable, gullible and half-witted conservative population, looking for an outlet to their repressed anger and anxiety over the loss of any political viability for years to come.
The movement was supported and covered by the easily duped and equally impressionable media; the repressed media, mind you, not that liberal media. People began purchasing tea in bulk, much to the amusement and suppressed glee of the tea industry. The string-pulling had worked. Tea bags began appearing with tax returns at the IRS, and with the purchase by one group in particular of one million teabags, tea would now be on the minds of Americans again, and the tea industry has won a secret battle. This beverage will again take the spot as the preferred beverage in the mind of America, and there's not a protest anywhere that can stop it.

We were fooled into buying mass amounts of product by an industry worried about its future, much like how the fashion industry renews 'trends' to save things like angora, uncomfortable shoes and novelty-sized glasses. It was a duping of massive scale; the country was, if you will, teabagged.